


Colour Me Free

by realeyesrealize



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Interactive Introverts - Moscow, M/M, Queer Themes, Sexuality, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 16:44:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realeyesrealize/pseuds/realeyesrealize
Summary: Over the next few days Dan draws and redraws a tiny triangle on his bicep every morning with a sharpie, because he’s never been one to take decisions lightly, because he’s still afraid of commitment but the need to have those three lines on his skin is stronger.Or: queer signaling, a triangle, an earring and Russia.





	Colour Me Free

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the tour fic fest by phandomficfests. Title from Heaven by Troye Sivan.

It comes as a shock to Phil the first time Dan mentions it. Phil’s sitting on the sofa, mindlessly adding the last finishing touches to a gaming video that will go up that same night. It comes easy to him, after all these years. Some comic sans here, a funny effect there, the little things that make their videos theirs. That’s why he doesn’t wear headphones for this last process. Headphones mean serious business, don’t talk to me unless the building is burning and I’m going to die in 30 seconds. No headphones means he’s editing for the sake of it, so Dan doesn’t have to do it later, because he’s bored and he needs a distraction that will make him feel productive. It is because of this that he hears Dan, loud and clear, from where he’s being sitting for the past 20 minutes in his little corner, clickity-clacking away on his mechanical keyboard. 

“I think I want to get a tattoo.” 

It isn’t a conversational comment, no. He says it like a statement, like it means something. And it does, because they’ve had plenty of conversations regarding tattoos. Phil’s scared of needles and Dan’s scared of commitment. 

Dan is looking intently at Phil now, who turned around in shock as soon as he heard his words. His look is meaningful and Phil starts to understand what this is all about, because there are little things that Dan is somewhat reluctant to openly talk about and, after all these years, after all those therapy sessions, his sexuality is still one of them. It isn’t a matter of shame or prudishness, Dan’s unapologetically loud and proud with his closer social circles and also practically out on the internet. The thing is, though, he prefers to show, not tell. He would rather kiss Phil in front of a family friend–if they were into that kind of PDA– than have to explain, come out for the upteenth time. 

Phil’s been through it all next to him and, what he hasn’t been, he’s been told. He’s been told about the first crush Dan had on a boy, about the first time he wanked to the thought of a boy touching him and about the first time he watched gay porn and didn’t turn his laptop on for a week after that, as if it had been tainted. 

And he had been there for the first time Dan had kissed a boy, him, and then touched his lips, amazed that he could feel so much. Phil had been many of Dan’s firsts, but there were other firsts. Labels, coming outs, accepting himself, that was all parallel to their story, sometimes intertwined, sometimes separate. And it had been a long process for Dan, not always because of him, but because of the circumstances they found themselves in. 

Lately, he had been trying to signal his sexuality, his queerness. There hadn’t been any conversation about it. One day he just started doing research, bought a bunch of earrings a week later and that was it. So, yes, Phil understands what the tattoo is about, yet he wants to be sure. 

“Of what?” he asks. 

“A little triangle or an equal sign. Right here.” He lifts his arm and points to where he wants it, nestled between the well-defined muscles underneath his arm. No one would see it there, no one but him, Phil, and maybe their friends when they’re on summer holidays in some Mediterranean island. People he trusts. 

Phil gets up and joins him in the corner, sitting on the bench behind him. 

“Do you think you will regret it?” He asks, because he has to. Because he worries and because Dan needs someone to ask the right questions. 

Dan stops to think about the answer. He takes a few seconds before he replies and eases Phil’s mind.

“I don’t think I will. I would if it was a silly tattoo, but this is who I am. Me being queer isn’t going to change, I’m not going to change.” 

“Okay, then,” Phil smiles the brightest he’s possibly ever smiled, all kinds of pride filling his heart. “Do you have any ideas of what you want the design to look like?” 

Dan beams excitedly and turns around, presumably to show Phil the few designs he’d saved. Phil stands up and moves to Dan’s side, leaning on the table. It appears Dan was on Pinterest looking up different ideas, but he has over ten different tabs open, some of them from popular queer media. Phil feels the wave of pride again, and leans over to kiss Dan’s cheek. He keeps his hand on Dan’s back, because he needs to touch. He needs the connection. 

Half an hour later, they’ve reviewed over fifteen designs. Most of them look the same to Phil because there’s really not many ways you can draw a triangle or an equal sign, but he doesn’t tell Dan this. He gives his opinions and Dan agrees with most of them. Together, they narrow it down to two very minimalistic tattoos. Sharp, fine lines. In the end, Dan goes for the triangle. 

*

Over the next few days Dan draws and redraws a tiny triangle on his bicep every morning with a sharpie, because he’s never been one to take decisions lightly, because he’s still afraid of commitment but the need to have those three lines on his skin is stronger. 

It looks good on him, so good, surrounded by the defined muscles that drive Phil crazy. Phil is a bit obsessed with the triangle and Dan has noticed, not like Phil is hiding it. When they fuck, he grabs Dan’s arm and mouths around it. When they cuddle, he traces the lines with his fingertips and just watches how goosebumps appear on Dan’s skin. Neither of them comment on it, because as much as it turns Phil on, as much as he loves it, that’s not what it is about. It’s for Dan, and for Dan only. 

* 

He never gets it. Weeks pass, months pass and they’re in the midst of tour planning and then tour prepping and Phil doesn’t know if Dan has put the tattoo aside for now or if it was one of those ideas that Dan has but never actually get carried out. He could ask, of course he could, but this is something Dan needs to do at his own pace. If he ever does. 

The earring however, that’s a staple now. Sometimes Dan even wears it around the house when they’re not doing anything, no videos to be filmed, no pictures to be posted. He says it makes him feel more like himself when Phil asks about it, a mix of curiosity and admiration bubbling inside him. 

He always wears it. Until Russia. 

*

“I feel like I want to scream it,” Dan says when they’re cuddled up in bed their first night in Moscow. They’re planning to sleep in their respective rooms but neither wants to leave the other just yet. 

“What, that you like cock?” Phil looks over at him, his eyes unconsciously drifting to Dan’s naked right ear. The earring has been in Dan’s pocket all day and it will probably stay there until they get to Berlin. 

“It’s weird, right? I never felt this need to be so... open about it.” 

Phil hums in understanding. His hand trails up Dan’s arm until it reaches the inside of his bicep. He draws a triangle there. 

They sleep separately that night, as they intended. It feels like submitting. 

*

Phil goes over to Dan’s room early the next day. Dan is still in his boxers when he opens the door, hair wet and dripping. 

Phil settles on the bed as he watches Dan get dressed, pulling on the checkered shorts that remind Phil of home, of snuggling on the sofa watching whatever show they’re into that week, of taking them off of Dan hours later. 

“Can you fetch me a pen?” Dan asks as he buttons up the bottoms. 

Phil nods, even though Dan is not watching him. He grabs the complimentary hotel pen that’s sitting on the bedside table to his right and gets up to hand it to Dan. 

“Can you draw it for me?” Dan asks instead of taking the pen. He lifts up his arm and looks at Phil sheepishly. There’s no confusion about what he means. “The lines end up wonky if I do it myself.” 

“‘Course.” He pecks Dan’s lips before getting to work. 

His lines end up even wonkier than if Dan had drawn them himself. He’s all shaky hands by the time he’s done and steps back to look at it properly. It feels momentous and yet so natural, comforting even. It feels like the power of those lines extends for the both of them. 

*

Dan gets the tattoo when they get back home before the US tour. Phil holds his hand through it.

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to @drycereal for beta reading and for her lovely words (also now I know where the coracobrachialis muscle is!) and to everyone on the word war chat who encouraged me to give this idea a go a few weeks ago.
> 
> I wasn't going to post anything for this fest because I've barely had free time these past few weeks, but seeing Dan not wear his earring in Russia made me feel many things (pride, mostly!) and inspired me to give this concept another go. So, thanks for reading this fic that's so dear to my heart! Feedback would be very much appreciated, please. 
> 
> Happy pride month <3
> 
> [Tumblr post](http://tulipau.tumblr.com/post/174688991658/title-colour-me-free-word-count-1494-tags). You can also find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cloudfIuffer).


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